Things influence us, effect us all of the time. Sometimes for good, sometimes for bad but what ends up happening is…we change. We evolve slowly from the current to our future beings. It can be fun to think about, tomorrow I’ll be just slightly different than I am today. Maybe I’ll be slightly more disciplined, patient or compassionate. Perhaps I’ll be less of all of them but regardless I won’t always be the same.

The direction of the change, this evolution, is key. So which direction are you evolving?

What’s fun about the future is that it’s unknown. It is undiscovered, challenging, curiously intriguing.

For me, though I’d like to think I always know where I’m going…I don’t. Its alright not to know while sticking to a rough path.

Its all about the beauty of the unknown…

Sometimes that’s good, regret and remorse can be a powerful tool if used properly.

Sometimes its not, sometimes it can hold you back from the people you love, opportunities and positive influence.

For the longest time, not until a few months ago really, I held onto so much…that it kept me from moving on with life, from developing healthy relationships and from committing to things and people I love or could have loved. I was over things but I wasn’t over the sin and with that I didn’t forgive myself for my actions.

I still kept part of it with me, part of that sin and those memories so close.

It was never the past relationship that I had to get over; I had admittedly checked out awhile before I had left. It was the one right after that (what it meant, not what it was), and the reasons for leaving the first stuck with me.

“I finally found that life goes on without you, and my world still turns when you’re not around.”

But it no longer haunts me…

Past actions, sin, continuing it..no longer haunt me.

Just recently, on January 24th, I rid myself of everything that was remaining from the past. Its gone, all of it, not a single part of it physically remains, even the files. I’ve reclaimed that day.

I’ve been over it for awhile, but every now and then its something I choose to revisit, to look over, to examine (the sin). We’re forgiven for our sins when we ask, but sometimes that isn’t enough to us.

I can say that my viewpoint on it has forever changed; I have overcome our past.

You don’t know what tomorrow brings; the uncertainty of the future makes the present so much more important. Live it…do it today.

I was going through my old MySpace blog this morning and I found this..written October ’06…(edited in current vernacular)

Deja vu: French, adjective, literally, already seen
1 a : the illusion of remembering scenes and events when experienced for the first time b : a feeling that one has seen or heard something before
2 : something overly or unpleasantly familiar

Ever get deja vu? You’ve seen something, done something, felt SOMETHING the same before but as the first time? Where your mind captures a frame in time from somewhere, and then you see it…”for the first time” later.
I recently came across deja vu. I was in the mall looking at something on the rack and I look to my left and see a couple walking towards me. Now the description of the couple is irrelevant but on their third step something clicked in my mind, deja vu. On that third noticeable step towards my direction, in that frame of time I had seen it before, though I had never seen them before in my life.  deja vu

Ok, so this is natural…it happens but the twist..i KNOW where i recognize it. Either the night before or a few nights prior I had a dream… in that frame, in that moment of time..they were in it, just as they were, walking towards my direction.

I can’t explain it and if I could then…I could be on the verge of something really incredible..
But if this remains true for other occurences of deja vu…then we can conclude 2 things. 1. dreams are keys to future events, the future or parts of the future itself (though only occasionally)  2. deja vu is simply the real-life reenaction of the dream or parts thereof.

For all I know, the explanation of this well-documented phenomena could be written down, explored and proven one way or the other. Few thoughts in the world are new or original so this recent train of thought is not likely an amazing finding or a revelation of any kind. However, to me…it explains a lot. 
For once, out of the many times I’ve had deja vu…I can explain it and know its source.

Things I want to improve on, become more active in, changes I plan to make, foresee and continue on…

• The path back -  I have some people still left to speak with and with Monday off, I need to arrange talks with them then.
• My sister – I’ve done very little in terms of getting back in touch with her and trying to rebuild our relationship since the falling out…I need to get more active in making that a priority
• ContributeDesign – I haven’t touched a non-profit client for quite some time; there’s a call I need to make to one of them and begin work there
• Reading books -  Seriously, I have a ton of books I need to read.
• Prayer time/quiet time – I try to read my Bible everyday, but that doesn’t always work out, prayer the same. I need to just get better at both
• Communication with friends -  There are people, as of late, that I have let fall a bit by the way side. I need to reconnect with some friends, people I used to speak to often. I’ve let myself become absent lately and I’m not a fan of it.
• Art/Writing/Side Projects -  I haven’t worked on art in sometime and there are a few pieces I’d really love to tackle. Writing wise, there are a few drafts that need my attention to finish. I need to finish things I start through. Side projects…its been awhile since i’ve done anything flash related, I need to make something cool and I have a few ideas how to express that.

This is all for now, its part of the constant thinking, always seeking…its all about what I want to become, what I should become and the journey there.

• I want to learn about altruism, the belief/idea to lay your life/body/self for others. I want to explore the idea that people will unselfishly do things for others at their own possible doom or risk. I’m curious as to what their mindset is. 
• Nihilism – that existence is without purpose, meaning or reason…I am honestly curious as to how people can accept this “belief”
• Creative stimulation -  how to maintain and achieve constant creative flow, because I really need that right now and considering I had it before, its essential for me to grasp that. I’m reading a book that should help me with this one.
• Lovesongs – or the songs that whenever I fall in love, I want these to be the soundtrack, and what specifically from them stands out. I have the list at just around 100…I’ll narrow it down to roughly 25 with any luck.
• The constant evolution – how we constantly change and adapt as time passes, we experience new things and encounter/face new life challenges
• Addiction & depression – I want to revisit a piece I wrote last winter with hopefully some new insights
• Dr. Future -  Holding off on that one for now, but def. will be published at some point
• untitled – Alison gave me the idea…write a letter to your future spouse. No idea what to put in it, how to write, but it sounds like a brilliant idea if can find my angle & focus for it.

More to come, hopefully these writings with any luck!

allbest,

So, here’s what I’d ask myself:

• Did Canada ever happen or are we still in the states? Please tell me we’re not in Delaware anymore.
• What was the first picture my wife and I were ever in?
• What is my best strength?
• What should I have worked on more now?
• Did I ever complete the journey or am I still on that road back?
• How’s Welsch?
• What am I doing now, creatively speaking?
• Any regrets?
• How’s the family?
• Best memory of the past few years, what was it?
• Is this blog still up? haha
• What are my goals for the next 5?
• How many weddings did I attend?
• How many funerals?
• What should I avoid in the next years?
• What countries have I seen?
• Did something big happen in the next few years, that was out of my control?
• Can we get up in another 5 years? I’ll have more questions then. haha