Jayson Werth...caveman in disguise?

• I wonder if Geico if will call me back about that casting opportunity
• Hah, I’m more popular than Jayson Werth right now
• Jimmy Rollins…stop trying to braid me
• I guess I pretty much sum up what Jayson Werth’s offseason was like
• I’m getting more questions than he is about his contract
• Thank God they brought in Roy Halladay…I bet he’s got some great grooming tips
• Maybe Charlie will stop calling me Geoff Jenkins now
• I’m not going to lie…this is soo working for the ladies
• Brad Lidge came to me for his salvation…and his confidence, and his slider, and his fastball, and his closer role again.
• This is suffocating his soul patch right now…and I love it!

Kharleigh (one of my best friends children)....this photo is priceless hahaha

• Actual work starts at 4:55p.m. that day, if not Tuesday entirely
• Coming in on time is deemed “optional” or “good for you if you can pull it off”
• Coffee tastes better but that’s only because you’ll drink anything you think will give you energy
• Water cooler conversations carry over to aim and g-chat…and they last all day…sometimes into Tuesday…and they’re about absolutely nothing.
• Meetings are short, or seem short because you never quite stay awake during one
• The 3 co-workers not effected by Monday’s…yeah they’re jerks and everyone hates them
• You’ll check your cell phone more than you check your mail
• Free moments are spent looking over everyone’s weekend pics
• More free moments are spent uploading your own

I hope you enjoyed this list…I want to get back into the habit of writing these.

Sadly, these are actual Police briefs taken from the Queen Creek Independent in Arizona…attached are my comments:

Domestic violence – caller at uncle’s house – says boyfriend pulled her hair and punched her in the mouth on East Horizon Trail – she is a couple months pregnant and tired of boyfriend punching her. <– Leave him…just maybe?

Domestic violence – caller says her boyfriend got upset because she went out last night – and boyfriend pushed her down. Caller is at East Desert Bell Way and is crying and will not calm down because she is afraid she is going to jail because she has warrants. <—if she has WARRANTS..newsflash..SHES GOIN ANYWAY!

Citizen dispute – caller found a horse and has it on her property – horse is neglected – owner there to pick up horse, but caller won’t give it to owner. Owner called and said neighbor refusing to release the horse on West Ivar. <—- hahaha…seriously?

Information report – on West Gold Dust Avenue – caller advised he has complained about his neighbors – ongoing problem – using water hose and trashing his property. <—-i guess when you live in AZ and have no grass…water is a problem

Trespassing – there are golfers on his property at North Skyline Court playing golf and he is afraid someone is going to get hit with the balls. <–YOU LIVE BEHIND A GOLF COURSE…IT HAPPENS!

Citizen dispute – on North Aladdin Road – caller having dispute with neighbor over fence line. Caller is ready to move her fence, but neighbor will not move his horses. <— heres a hint..when you move the fence..the horses will kinda move a bit too

Disorderly conduct – on Ivar – loud party with live band. Vehicle stuck in wash and child with her, child screaming and driver hitting her saying “Do you want me to go to jail?” then hits her again. <—- seriously?

Threatening – husband stated he was going over to take the friend that caller is with out of the house on East San Manuel Road.

Suspicious person/circumstance – on East Primrose Lane – someone rang door bell and knocked and asked caller for directions. <—OOOO noooo! dont ask for directions! ANYTHING but that!

Disorderly conduct – says subjects at South Butte are jumping off balcony into a pool and still being loud. <—if i had a balcony overlooking a large pool..hey..i’d do it too

Theft on North Cambria Drive – caller started her car and turned on the air conditioner, went inside to get keys, came back out and keys missing and car shut off, saw a kid nearby on bicycle. <—- darn kids!

Unwanted person – on Goldmine Way – says subject at his home and he doesn’t want her there. <—oooo

Information report – semi truck parked on the side of his house on West Dancer Lane and he wants to know if they are allowed to park in a residential area. <—is that REALLY worth calling the police about?

Theft of a weapon on East San Manuel Road. Knows it is a couple houses down. Other half calling and saying that she did not steal the gun, that she gave it to the neighbor to hold because the deputy told her to remove the gun from the house.

Weapon offense on Red Bird Lane – caller hid a boy there last week and now people are coming back with guns. A man put a gun to his head, but they left. <—Wow, they sure are friendly there in arizona

Suspicious person/circumstance – on North Caspian – four black males across street at vacant home for sale, seem to be casing it. <—casing? oh no…black ppl in Arizona..call the sheriff!

Suspicious person/circumstance – on West Silver Creek Lane – caller offered a job assisting in the sale of homes by a neighbor who is a real estate salesman and when she went to do it he grabbed her in a sexual manner.

Disorderly conduct on East Daisy Way – neighbors playing loud music and also believes that they are smoking marijuana. <—hahahaha

Harassment on West Yellow Peak Drive – subject she met on chat line is harassing her by phone now. <—DONT give your phone number to people online!

Suspicious person/circumstance on East Ascot Drive – neighbor is in violation of their HOA by running a business out of his garage and driving recklessly and doing donuts and screeching tires – suspicious of what neighbor is doing with his vehicles. <—how else would they be doing donuts?

So here are a few amusing stories:
- When I went to a bar in Elkton (BIG mistake)…me and a buddy were beat in a game of pool by a toothless woman, who said she was “good at evvvvverythang”….that was scary.
That same night, my friend was hit on by a toothless man named “Slim” and his skinny friend who was trying to convince my friend…that he was a “fine guy”….we told her that he only wanted her for her dental plan.

- I was on a date back in May, on a Friday at Del Rose and we were sitting right by the gate…all of a sudden I see one of my good friends Amanda, walk by PLASTERED, tripping over herself just…GONE (it was only 10pm)…her friend followed. My date and I left DelRose and spent the next half hour convincing them to let us take them home…we left Lindsey (her friend) as she walked into the apartment…but apparently passed out on the inside steps on the way up. I didn’t see the  girl i was out on the date with much after that. haha

- I gave a lift to a homeless lady in college, we drove a good 10 miles towards where I was living at the time, dropped her off at the Wendy’s, gave her some money for food (all the while she was telling me this OUTRAGEOUS story)…so I went on my way, the VERY NEXT DAY I’m a mile from there and I locked my keys in my car…I’m calling my roomate to get my spare keys, I look up guess who comes up and says hello? Same lady, different story, different reasons, different NAME…haha She didn’t even remember me from 24 hours ago…at the time, I was young and naive but apparently very charitable.