But when I’m home, all I want to do is get away from the computer and do some personal unwinding (work out, play wii, watch tv, socialize, etc). I have nearly no desire or push to work on those personal projects.

Its an unusual and rather unfortunate dichotomy between the two parts of my day.

I simply loose too much during my day…I can’t continue that same driven attitude for 16 hours of the day.

There’s a lot I want to accomplish; there’s quite a bit I want to do. I just need to put more attention and intention on getting these things done…even to the point of forcing myself to propel through it. Whatever I’m missing whether its desire, energy, ambition or what have you…there’s something missing in this.

Whatever it takes, I need to find it.

i’ve loved and been loved

i’ve accepted and rejected
and in turn been accepted and rejected

i’ve been ambitious, opportunistic while at the same time lazy and idle

i have pushed and been pushed against, pressed and pressed against

i have fallen because of my own pride; humbled in light of my best achievements

i have used others selfishly, betrayed friends, loved ones, family
while all along others have been using and betraying me

i have jumped, leaped, pounced, dove
sometimes all for good, sometimes all for me, sometimes i just don’t know

Here’s the deal…
everything evens out; there is hope for the hopeless, acceptance for the rejected, strength for the weak, love for the unloved, salvation for the lost, forgiveness for the unforgivable.

Why work for free? Why spend your time doing projects, tasks, creating logos, graphics, web pages for free?

Because its WORK.  It is proven results of your ABILITY, SKILLS, and PROFICIENCY as the professional you are.

When I started ContributeDesign people asked why. Why spend time on something that doesn’t (monetarily) give you anything in return? Time is money, isn’t it?

Pro-bono work is proof that you are everything you think you are. It adds to your existing collection. Its a portfolio booster and something may secure your next job, maybe even helping to keep the one you currently have.

I must state, for the record, that you should only accept pro-bono work if you already have a steady income. For me, during the day I work for Gannett, after that…I work for me.

If you’re going to do work for free, make it for someone or something that deserves, be selective. Personally, I’ll only do work for non-profits, no exceptions. I’ll do it an organization that I can not really help otherwise. Perfect example, a little known big cat refuge in a middle of West Virginia.

Much like donations, its all going to a good cause.

Want to get in ahead in life, your job, your career? Work…produce results, prove yourself.

The easiest way to do it, is for free…and its the easiest work to find.

We constantly…seek the silver lining, the red bow, the sparkle on something new….to give us something to want.

We constantly …will buy that cup of coffee, that soda, that caffeine rush…to get us through the day.

We constantly…will look for things that stimulate, motivate and inspire us…to do more, be more and see more.

We constantly…try to escape feelings of boredom, weakness and insecurity…to keep from giving into them.

We constantly…adjust our closeness with people we know, giving rope, taking some away…to protect ourselves and our minds.

We constantly….change and evolve…from life to death…riding on waves of joy, inspiration and vitality to drowning in pits of death, destruction and defeat, constantly flowing from opposite points of contrast.

We’re constantly in this search for more, in a dissatisfied, spark-seeking, ambitious evolution until we are where we feel we should be. But even if he stay in this state…we’ll never get there.

The hunger died some because I felt I had reached my goal and so I continued blindly without setting up what will be the next supposed achievement. I stopped accepting freelance work for sometime, focused more on the social life I neglected in my college days and built this strong community of amazing individuals around me.

These friends come in all sorts of levels and categories from old friends, to acquaintances, to work friends and etc. They’re what I built my life around, not over achievement.

But, now that everything has stabilized, I’m comfortably where I need to be socially its time I focus back onto goals and aspirations. The things I should be doing my life.
This list reflects just that:

• Run and/or bike 3 times a week, no excuses
• Clean my place, simplify it some -  I have a lot of things, perhaps too many and its too much
• Launch CitizenConnelly and honestly chronicle life
• Take on more digital work where applicable, whether it is for me personally or paid
• Bible time – I grew up in a devoutly religious family and that is one part of my life that I need to get back on track; I’ve been lukewarm on this for too long.
• Prioritize better, list better -  From the start of the work day and on so I can truly accomplish what I set out to do (this list is built from a list I made last week, for example)
• Less time reading online during work hours – I swear, like most, that I have ADD but I need to learn to focus more

So this is the list for now, its not complete but then again…neither am I