Its this metamorphasis transitioning chapters in life. New things bring new attitudes and perspectives. We change a lot over time. In going back into my past today, reading through various things…I realize I’ve lost something along the way. I’m missing the creative passion I once held so dearly and so tightly to myself.

Words, expressions, visions flowed out of me. I could ryhme words in a heartbeat; I had a desire to do and be more than I was. This youthful attempt at becoming, at being in a significant way. Whatever it was that I was going for, or was a byproduct of my life, I had it.

Perhaps it was the trauma from various drama or whether I’ve simply matured and changed into this individual today. I don’t know but sometimes, ever so often, I need to be reminded about who I am, the inner creative that used to devote more of his life to craft. I was in college; I was dealing with things, more than I could ever imagined went through my mind. I overworked, overstudied, over did everything. I was an extremist on a mission to do great things.
I fell off along the way; I took a job after college, moved, changed my life and lost that expressive person a long the way. My focus was on new things, in turn I lost what I held so close, so dearly before.
One of my new years resolutions was to find this inner creative…I need to reinvent the inner creative, in a strong way. I like who I am now and what I’m doing, but I’m not the same person.
So…lets find it…

“Our days were numbered by nights
on too many rooftops
They said we’re wasting our lives..
But Oh atleast we know,
that if we die
We lived with passion…
they said we burned soo bright…”

Cartel – Burn this city

• I want to learn about altruism, the belief/idea to lay your life/body/self for others. I want to explore the idea that people will unselfishly do things for others at their own possible doom or risk. I’m curious as to what their mindset is. 
• Nihilism – that existence is without purpose, meaning or reason…I am honestly curious as to how people can accept this “belief”
• Creative stimulation -  how to maintain and achieve constant creative flow, because I really need that right now and considering I had it before, its essential for me to grasp that. I’m reading a book that should help me with this one.
• Lovesongs – or the songs that whenever I fall in love, I want these to be the soundtrack, and what specifically from them stands out. I have the list at just around 100…I’ll narrow it down to roughly 25 with any luck.
• The constant evolution – how we constantly change and adapt as time passes, we experience new things and encounter/face new life challenges
• Addiction & depression – I want to revisit a piece I wrote last winter with hopefully some new insights
• Dr. Future -  Holding off on that one for now, but def. will be published at some point
• untitled – Alison gave me the idea…write a letter to your future spouse. No idea what to put in it, how to write, but it sounds like a brilliant idea if can find my angle & focus for it.

More to come, hopefully these writings with any luck!

allbest,

This was written well over a year ago when I was in a different time, a different life. So much to consider, to much to think about…life and dreams

when life and dreams collide,
i wonder which side is mine
do i live life through dreams i pursue,
or does life surface what were the dreams of my youth?

if i live life in dreams
then the life i live is false
but if my dreams are lived through my life
then all is not lost
lost is the life where dreams don’t exist
living morbidly stuck in an abyss
wondering if my dreams manifest in my life
wondering if the steps i take will be right
not a day goes by that i wonder what could be
if given the right opportunity

how to pass from one life to the next,
considering all that is best
perfect timing will reveal everything
but until then how do i know anything?
wondering how things are now and how they will be,
what will i ever see?

right decisions lead to right places to be,
the right place for me, the right place for she
in time, everything will come to my side
when life and dreams collide…

“Cuz when I die…then I die loving you”

Busy, temperamental, depressing, chaotic,
so sadness mixed with gladness,
i’ve become the maddest.

Thus is the mind of I, a confusing, perplexed, hodgepodge amalgamate group of moiety; medietas thoughts, ideas, hopes, dreams, aspirations,
medietas reflections, personas, patterns, filters, blocks, buttons, triggers, intellectual stimuli

Everyday another chess game i play,
everyday another battle that i face,
everyday another this another that,
everyday its a shame it may end someday.

Don’t take this to heart,
it was never meant for you to be read,
instead,
oh instead
these are the thoughts in my head.

This was fun,
it was great,
random things,
come to mean,
nothing i can escape.

I’m nowhere near where I want to be,
Please God keep the faith you’ve had in me.
Give me light,
Give me the sight,
The strength to fight,
As I continue on this plight.